Post-infestation effect

When you have the revelation that everything in the world has been infected with patriarchy and even your own decisions have been affected by the patriarch (??) infested society.

I mean, I just realized how every detrimental action of mine somehow has something to do with the creepy men I'm scared of.

My posture is horrible, guess why. Because I spent all my years growing up hunching my shoulders to make my chest seem as less noticeable as it could be, so that guys wouldn't stare.

I refuse to sling my bag in front of me to protect my belongings when I travel because who cares about their phone more than their butt anyway.

I wear clothes a size too big, so that my body looks like a paint blob, nothing more for them to see. Because who cares about fashion anyway.

I have a serious fear of skirts and have never worn them in public for as long as I can remember because unlike pants that close off access to my body (at least in terms of skin contact), they leave me feeling vulnerable and naked.

I have a resting bitch face and never have I ever had a smile on my face when I'm walking down the street because I'm afraid that a smile might somehow seem inviting, when compared to my scowl.

I often have bouts of anxiety and mild paranoia which makes me have compulsive habits of turning every bloody lock on my door much to my parents annoyance.

I always come off as rude on the first impression due to my need to stay safe and away from people who I suspect may somehow hurt me.

(I don't know where I was going with this. Incoherence and choas it is.)

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